Tips & Dating Help
June’s Dating Tip:
Letting Go Is Like Heart Break Rehab
I’ve touched on the subject of breaking up so often that I feel like a broken record every time I answer a new email from a heart broken DIVA or Boo who cant seem to let go of the good memories of their ex. Having one’s heart broken not only affects us during the break up but even for a long time after the relationship has ended. When you have gotten used to having someone in your life, whether things were good or bad, it can feel like hell facing your life without them. Even when you know deep down that you’re better off without him, you still crave contact with him and miss him in a way that can only be compared to an addiction—deep down you know it’s wrong, but you can’t seem to help yourself.
The truth is that you really do have an addiction and you must go through the withdrawal in order to feel like a normal person again. Many return to their destructive relationships because the withdrawal symptoms are so uncomfortable that they just turn around and go back to a mess that should have never been in the first place. The relationship is over for a reason and those reasons will not disappear just because you desperately miss them. It is understandable that your heart has that sinking feeling with in it right now that feels like hunger and fear all mixed up as one and multiplied by one thousand but it is important that you keep moving forward! Take each day at a time and put one foot in front of the next and pretty soon you will start to feel like you have your old self back.
Your "addiction" will last as long as you choose to allow it to control your thoughts, feelings and emotions. This is why, like with any addiction, you must stop cold turkey and leave that jerk alone that broke your heart. You may feel like it’s love but in actuality you were biologically addicted to the “high” the relationship caused you as your serotonin increased each time you saw or thought about them. Serotonin is a feel good hormone that is release in high quantities when people fall in love. Some say that it is this hormone, not love, which causes us to irrationally make decisions concerning the beloved or the relationship early on with in the relationship. If you tell yourself the truth, the relationship really was not “all that” to begin with and you probably should have left a long time ago. They did not deserve you and surely are not worth your river of tears.
If the break up occurred because of your own wrong doings, forgive yourself and count it as a lesson learned. It may hurt even more knowing that it was your actions or inactions that caused you to loose such a great catch but do not let this heart break go down in vain. Look at yourself in the mirror, be honest with yourself and make the necessary changes. If it is meant to be, the ex who you lost will forgive you and give you another chance. I write the last paragraph with a bit of hesitancy because I know that many of you will make excuses for the ex who walked out of your life and convinced you that it was all your fault. If they made you cry more than you laughed and treated you less than you know you deserved, then it was NOT your fault that the relationship ended. Be thankful for the great person who is on their way into your life now that you have made room for them.
Although you have been hurt, do not allow your ex to continue to hurt you past the grave of your relationship by choosing to close your heart to future love experiences. Let go, move on and learn better so that the next relationship is the love experience you deserve!
Visit www.lovein30days.com and join us for D.I.V.A University on June 11th so that you can learn how to attract Love in 30 Days!
Shay Williams-Garrett aka Shay Your Date Diva is a speaker and author of “DIVA Don’t Get Played!” and “Mommy DIVA Don’t Get Played!” both dating guides for catching the man of your dreams in 30 days!
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DIVA Courses
DIVA 101
Week 1: Preparing for Love
Week 2: Preparing for the Mate You Want to Become
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DIVA 102
Week 1: Avoiding Don’t Wanters
Week 2: Moving into the Ivy League
Week 3: Securing Three Dates a Week
Week 4: The Dating Process
Week 5: Taking it to the Next Level
Week 6: The Magic Bullets
Week 7: You Have the Man |
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DIVA 103
Week 1: Maintaining a Healthy Relationship
Week 2: Enhancing Your Relationship |
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